Happy HNT!!!!

So here he is...Al Laddin with his FIRST HNT!!!

35 pounds lighter, Ol' Al is sporting his rock-star "Lucky" Brand jeans (there's an outlet store nearby).

LOOK OUT!! HE'S AFTER SOME GILFs!!!!!

When I'm Sad...

...I listen to Bill Evans.

You can too...here,

and especially HERE.

How You Know It's Over...

...is when you get together for a "talk". I asked how she was doing earlier in the day and she said "Not good. " I miss her terribly, and I won't move back into the house with the kids. It's a tough spot. I suggested we get together.

So we met at a local place.

I wish I could say it all went great after that. OK, I'll say it. And I'll be a big fat lying bastard for doing it.

Nope it went shitty. It sucked. It's over.

I got there and she was nursing a Baily's/ ice. Bad sign. She ONLY drinks when she's beyond upset. I got to hear about work and this and that and I was just about ready to bolt...leave my food that I was picking at (after I said "I miss you terribly").

Then she got this fakey conspiratorial look and said "So tell me everything that went wrong"...like I really fucking would. Like I would tell her all the little stuff that would bug me once or twice (well maybe three) times a month...until I caught a glimpse of her looking precious when she couldn't see me. Like even the bigger stuff that I could blow off because even that was just too small to fuck with when I held her or kissed her or reached around and spread her cheeks and tickled her pussy and her bottom when we were laying face to face...starting to fuck.

Geez. So I talked about...her kid. How as much as I tried...I was always the "alien" the jerk who was fucking his mother. Then we spent some time with her reactions to some of my uhhh...diversions. "Here's Al Laddin from Anytown, Bob, he's 56 years old, a healthy male and something you may not know about him is he's into porn and kink..."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sheee-it.

Yes...I hurt My Girl, and she hurt me too. We had a couple knock down drag outs about the viewing and I was accused of being really stupid for marrying the woman I loved instead of the girls I SOMETIMES liked to look at, although she had no problem with the extra-curricular activities shall we say "one on one". So I got to be appropriately chastened and whatever.

I broached the subject of "live apart/ stay together", she said no dice so that's that.

I guess it all hit me today...again...I'd had some reactions lately, but I got a good great dose of "Awwww Fuck" today. Sorry about the "too much information" but I'm sort of beyond caring about sensibility right now and if you're offended....I'll put it in a fourth step and make amends later. Right now...I want to eat five bags of cheap jelly beans...I want to stay up 'till four looking at porn sites, I want a forget it fuck, I want to do anything but blow my sobriety....I'm just gonna go to sleep.

And I loaded up the stereo and my cd's and brought 'em over today.

Yeah...I Need To Write...

Man it has been a ride since April 5th, and then April 14th when Al got his little pad, and then to now. I feel like I need to get this out and move on...move out into my new world and be who I'm becoming. The beautiful (I am CHEWING on my knuckles as I look at this...I mean LOOK. AT. THIS.) Oblivion posted some bullet points, and right now I think that's a good idea too.

So I made a french press (it's 12:30 AM here-I must be insayne)...and took my shower...and I'm gonna write a while (thank you secrets, for getting me off my butt), then get a little freak on so I can cum so I can go to sleep. Typical guy, huh. So here goes...from the upper left of the US, in a sort of furniture-less apt., for a while at least...

So in the last month and a half I have...

• Left my wife of five years with whom I was very much in love.
• Moved into a nifty one bedroom (built in '56 with real wood...still varnished!) apartment.
• Felt REALLY bad about feeling REALLY good...that I left. That I got out of somewhere I felt was dangerous to my spirit.
• Visited my therapist from my first divorce eleven years ago. He thinks my reasoning is faulty, I think. Fuck Him.
• Got an amazing Tarot Card reading. Wow. I love the cards and I think they tell me things I need to hear. I needed to hear this. Wow (more later).
• Saw a Pro-Domme. Yep...that's right. Kinda-sorta vanilla (for that), she was testing me to see where I was at, and I didn't get close to my limit. I'm going back. With a plan (ouch!).
• Had a brutal work week with four artist jobss in three days to top it all off. Got to pay for my fun, though. The two in one day were 200 miles apart, and I...
• ...hired a "companion" for after that last one. Unfortunately, I was "too pooped to pop" ( I always wondered what that meant...now I know). She did say something cute...she was holding my cock and said "You can do some damage with that...some happy damage." I blushed.
• Went to karaoke for the first time in YEARS...it was a local "providers'" meet and greet. THAT was a trip!
• Fucked a girl at the nifty new bachelor pad...after a nice dinner and a great night of heavy flirting. Yummmmm. She IS lovely and a good lay. She was shown a fine time. At least it looked that way to me. More to THAT story too.
• Then...a Carnival...a carnal Carnival of Kink. I got played with with the electric toys. I got my nipples (temporarily) pierced. I got high on the pain.

So other than that...it's been a little lonely and a little boring.

Not (well, a little sometimes, and I miss S4O).

Stories to tell, stories to tell. Man...it's good to be alive!

P.S. I'm hooking up with Jenny...and maybe a friend. Hmmmmmmm.

3/5th Of A Mile In Ten Seconds

For the 5 or 6 of you that "get" the title of this post..."What A Long, Strange Trip It's Been", and being, huh?

So I've just had a dramatic melt-down of nuclear (NOT NEW-CEW-LAR, you fucking MORON!) proportions and I am now...

...on my own, banished from my home, MY choice, and fucking happy about it. Sad too, at the same time, you know how it is. All the stuff that went down...I'll get to in more detail, or not so much...I don't know just yet. Suffice it to say that Ol' Al's a free agent once more. Yippeee!

I am so looking forward to sharing flirting, fucking and romantic adventures and inevitably MIS-adventures with you, my blogging pals.

So...I'm back. A little worse for wear, but ready for action, Jackson!

Buh Bye..For A While.

Al is going on "vacation".

A bunch of shit came down this week that I have to deal with somehow, and I debated going through it with this as a forum, or journal, like so many of you great people do...and I may still.

But for now I am going to "cocoon" and try to sort this out.

Love you all.

Be back soon.

Another Interview.

This one from the lovely (for REAL, she has a picture!!) Nanette at Underachieving Mommy.

Her blog is thoughtful and well written, with stimulating and interesting topics. Certainly not what you are used to reading here.

She was kind enough to give me questions...four of the regulars with a "zinger" for me.

Thank you, Nanette. My place gets a little more class for you having been here.

As always...for an interview read the "meme" and ask me to interview you in the comments! I'd be honored.

1. You are given the choice between:
   a)Having one question--i.e. What is the origin of life?--of your choice answered with absolute certainty.
   b)Receiving a briefcase with One Million Dollars.
   Knowledge or Money?

The Money. No problem. I can live with the ambiguity of life’s origin…actually I prefer it that way. You talked about exploring religions and spirituality and I’m not atheist, I’m not religious (recovering Catholic) but I am spiritual. I belive the life force is in here somewhere.

So gimme the dough. Please (it will make #3 easier).

2. What characteristics(of others) do you absolutely despise?

Arrogance and hypocrisy (which is odd I know coming from an admitted hypocrite) in public office. Those that say they know best for everyone then create disaster upon disaster. Those that perpetrate misery and suffering upon literally millions of people in the name of some moral code that SPECIFICALLY prohibits that kind perpetration. Those that say they represent the public trust then line their pockets and those of their cronies, callously putting innocents in harms way.

3. If you were were told tomorrow you had to choose between the following:

a)You only have one year left to live.
b)You can live for 50 more years in good health if you totally abandon all family and friends--no email, no phone, no visits, nada. Assume you could start a new life in a location of your choice.
Which would you choose and how would you live out the remainder of your days?

I would take “A”. “B” isn’t even close. I would spend my time, and the money from #1 with my S4O, my kids and grandkids and my great friends. Hanging out, traveling and making music. Then I would gladly slough off this mortal coil.

4. If you had to choose between losing your vision or losing your hearing, which would you choose and why?

Vision. I have GOT to be able to hear. Music is my one true overriding passion and comfort and avocation and everything else to me. And equally important...hearing what people say and how they say it, hearing the music in voices…I’d miss my sight terribly (see #5), but I’d miss hearing more.

5. Do you think pornography is degrading to women? Why or why not?

Short answer…No.

Longer answer…compared to the number of women populating the earth, those that work in the sex industry are an infinitesimal percentage. The publicity that the sex image industry receives is absurdly out of proportion simply because it’s easy to point to pictures of naked women and men and say that no moral person could, should or would take their clothes off and fuck in public. And LOOK…they are so bad. And they MUST have been forced to do these awful things. And that’s BAD, too. So YOU are bad for looking at it. And our society is BAD for allowing it and women (and men?) who participate are being degraded by thier participation.

But what about laws restricting women’s rights to choose whether to have a baby or not? Or whether to even get contraception? Or a decent, fair living wage? How is THAT not degrading? Or affordable child care? Or protection from battering spouses or family members? Or protection against rapists? Or protection against harassment in the workplace or in society…and these are just a few of the issues confronting women in THIS country. Do we need to get into things like rape as a weapon in civil conflicts, or ethnic cleansing, or women and children as property with no rights. This stuff effects almost EVERY woman alive almost EVERY SINGLE DAY, and yet I see no moralistic hue and cry over THESE issues. In fact…progressive people usually have to fight tooth and nail to make even the slightest incremental progress.

I suppose I could be accused of arguing “moral equivalence” here, and I tip my hat to the point that porn can be considered part and parcel of an entire "degradation of women" problem; but I would argue that a society that has places and ways for pornography…by that I mean a way for images of nudity and sexual acts between consenting adults (child porn specifically excluded)…to exist and be seen for what they are, and seen by those of an appropriate age to understand what they are looking at, can actually serve as a way to counter the degradation and exploitation of women.

Please don’t feel I am considering you a moralist for asking the question. It is a fair and real question for this and any other time.

And thanks again ms. Nanette!