The Five Stages...

...starts with getting "cold cocked" and ends with getting even.

Let's see if I remember correctly...I think it goes like this:

1) Cold Cocked-

Finding out...usually out of left field...that you've been terminated, replaced, let go...latered. The key characteristic of this step must be that in no way do you see it coming.

2) Discovery-

THIS is where you find out what perfidy is involved...how stupid you were to not see signs, if there were any...what "great" and/or "dear" friend of yours threw you under the bus to save their own fucking sorry ass...what people who you thought "liked" you somewhat were willing to see you treated like a neighborhood sex-offender or something...WHAT-everrrrrr. N.B.-If you know that somewhere, somehow you screwed up and the "head-lopping" was in any way, by any stretch justifiable...you're on a different program.

3) Disbelief-

That this could happen to a person like YOU! One who was devoted to the project, worked hard at it, promoted it, improved it, etc. This stage is also called DELUSION.

4) Rage-

Really banal...this one is. Anger, grief, denial are all contained here...bargaining too. All that crap that is completely useless and humiliating.

5) Revenge-

NOW we're getting somewhere. FUCK Karma, btw...if the injury was great enough, only revenge will make it better. Somehow, someway they need to feel as fucked over as you do.

What enrages and disappoints and hurts me the most about this deal is that a member...the one who delivered the "news"...is supposedly a great friend of mine. The headsman and my "friend" work together (similar positions at the same company) and talk all the time. He KNEW... Think maybe I could have gotten a "heads-up" at some point? Some kind of warning? From SOME-body? Of course not (See Stages #1 and 2). The other guy was too much of a chickenshit to tell me that there were things I was doing that he didn't like (Stage #2). What crap. At the worst (for me), I would have stepped aside. I know these things work and that Mr. Chickenshit was the "Grand Poo-Bah". I just would have appreciated the opportunity to change or decide to leave, is all. Maybe even a sit-down and here's why you're no longer needed kind of thing. Instead...I got treated like the asshole you can't wait to get rid of (see Stages #3 and 4...humiliating yourself). THAT hurts.

So the "Judas" was over to do some artistic workout last night. He actually had the nerve to say that he hoped this would not effect our friendship the night he delivered the coup de gras. I had called him that night to say that I hoped he wasn't made too uncomfortable about the situation. That's what kind of sap I can be. I'm learning.

Anyway, the atmosphere was sort of uncomfortable. Strained. Nothing was said about the weeks' happenings. He is just a clueless dumb fuck if he thought I wasn't seething all the time he was there. In my home. He's lucky I didn't kick his teeth in.

Stage #5...Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.